


Culpability

by wwheeljack



Category: Senjou no Valkyria | Valkyria Chronicles
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-23
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-13 05:20:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29646357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wwheeljack/pseuds/wwheeljack
Summary: The scars of war ravaged all, and there were no exceptions within the ranks of Squad E. Laurent had joined to fight Imperials and bring justice to the world, but his time in Squad E left him with doubts and guilts that would last in his nightmares.





	Culpability

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know where my head was while writing this, but I'm not capable of writing anything happy for VC, clearly. Pretty much forced myself to finish this after I hyperfixated upon ORAS again, so it's trash, to be frank.
> 
> Valkyria Chronicles © SEGA

The air on the snow cruiser's bridge was solemn, as cold as the Crystal Sea, and even Laurent couldn't muster the energy to fight the quiet sorrow welling from his platoon.

Every member of Squad E, and the last remnants of Squad F, had been facing imminent death at the barrel of the fearsome black tank from Siegval until three snow cruisers had appeared and plucked them from certain destruction. Though the entirety of Squad E had been trekking through snow, blizzards and hell in nature's fiercest forms, for an innumerable number of days, there was no hint of happiness at their rescue.

The platoon should have been celebrating the warm, ragnite fueled heaters and the warmth of the cruiser, not standing on the cruiser's bridge, awaiting instruction with solemn hearts and hanging heads. Though they had been saved, Squad E was broken - shattered with the destruction of their fellow platoons and weary with weeks of travel.

All Laurent wanted to do was to get some much needed sleep, not stuck on the bridge to listen to the captain of the snow cruiser talk with Lieutenant Wallace. And it seemed, from the grumbles and sighs beside him, that most of Squad E agreed.

"Welcome to the _Centurion_ , Squad E," the captain said as he turned his attention away from Claude and to everyone standing behind their commander. "I am Captain Roland Morgen and I am relieved to see that we were able to reach you in time."

In front of Laurent, Lieutenant Victor from Squad F ground her teeth at Captain Morgen's words, but she said nothing in retort. He understood where her anger for the loss of her platoon came from, though he found it unfair and unreasonable that she blamed all of Squad E for the loss of her platoon.

If every other platoon, Squad F included, had stood no chance against the Imperial forces, then what advantage would Squad E and the _Hafen_ have provided? All of Squad E would have been destroyed too, as far as Laurent saw it - especially when he considered how tired the entire platoon was, and the short stock of ammunition and medical supplies they'd had left.

"... and my radar operator, Sergeant Louffe. We have men cleaning out spare quarters for your troops as we speak, and the _Centurion_ 's cook has started a late meal for all of you. Lieutenant Haddock will escort your platoon to the washrooms first, Lieutenant Wallace, then the mess hall after."

Lieutenant Wallace shot a look behind him, towards Laurent and the rest of Squad E, before he straightened even further into a rigid stance and quietly spoke. "We have injured that need medical attention, sir. We do not have the means with which to tend to our wounded-"

"No worries," Captain Morgen smiled, "Marie will escort your wounded to the medical bay. I need to speak to you alone though, Lieutenant Wallace."

"Understood."

The tall man with a stern expression and slicked back brown hair approached Squad E, as the woman Captain Morgen had pointed out as Marie ordered Squad E's injured to follow her - including Brittany, Connor, Curtis, Emmy, Nico, Rebecca and Simon. Curtis shot Laurent an anxious look as Norid, who had been helping Curtis since he'd gotten injured at the supply depot under Claude's orders, helped him follow Marie.

Laurent shot his best friend a reassuring smile, though his smile faded when he noticed the concerned look Curtis shifted towards Eileen. Laurent glanced towards Eileen, who was fidgeting in place, her green eyes staring down at the ground blankly, then shifted a firm nod to Curtis.

Curtis nodded back, a mere jerk of his head but enough for Laurent to know he understood, before he leaned into Norid's shoulder and limped off the bridge with the other wounded. Eileen let out a worried gasp as her brother's form faded from view. She started to move after her brother, though Laurent stopped her with a gentle hand on her shoulder.

"Curtis is going to be alright, Eileen. You know he's recovered from worse. Your brother is tough." Laurent did not let go of Eileen as he kneeled in front of her, eyes locked on her green ones, hoping she'd accept his words.

Eileen looked away from Laurent jerkishly, though he noticed how she refused to pull away from his touch. She wasn't as shy or nervous as when they were kids, but Laurent knew that side of Eileen still existed. He knew her well enough to know that the Eileen that was so fierce and brave and outgoing, was just as scared as the young Eileen who had always followed Laurent and Curtis everywhere.

"Come on, Eileen," Laurent whispered as he straightened to his full height and teasingly ruffled her hair, "if you starve on my watch, Curtis will kill me. For all our sakes, let Curtis be tended to by the medics while we get some food into you. Don't think I didn't hear your stomach growling through the mountains."

"I… It did not!" Eileen snapped, though the reddening of her cheeks told Laurent otherwise.

Laurent laughed lightly as Eileen stomped past him with her head held high and her gaze fixed firmly away from him. Eileen had changed greatly from the young girl he'd known, the once shy and fearful girl replaced by one with steel and strength that the entirety of Squad E relied on heavily, but she was, and always would be, Curtis' little sister. And Laurent would do everything in his power to protect Eileen and to make sure she was well, and it wasn't just for his best friend's benefit that he did - Laurent loved Eileen as if she was his own sister.

So it was with purpose that he strode beside Eileen until Lieutenant Haddock showed Squad E the separate washrooms for the men and women of the _Centurion_. Eileen hesitated in the hallway for a minute as the rest of Squad E's women filed into the washroom, her eyes shifting back the way they had come.

Laurent nudged Eileen towards the washrooms gently, drawing her gaze to himself. "Eileen, I'll see if we can visit him after we eat, alright? If you don't eat or take care of yourself first, I will tell him, and you know Curtis will be upset. He doesn't need to worry about you even more than he already does, right?"

"Uh… no," Eileen sighed as her shoulders slumped and she nodded slowly. "I understand, Laurent."

"You better," Laurent joked before he bade Eileen farewell and headed to the men's washroom.

* * *

The silence, but for the clink of forks and scrape of chairs, in the mess hall was deafening. No one was in the mood for idle chatter, as even Stanley was silent. Beside Laurent, Jimmy, Keigel and Gertrude had their heads lowered, their shoulders slumped in a unified show of exhaustion that had pervaded the morale of Squad E since they had fled Lindbergh base.

Laurent was past exhaustion, his body forgoing sleep as he devoured the food he'd stacked on his plate in spades. At the moment the food, a blend of meat, vegetables and grains, was just about the best food Laurent had ever tasted - no matter how unappetizing it looked.

Only after Laurent had scarfed down the last bits of food on his plate, did he afford a glance to his right, where Eileen sat.

The engineer had only picked at her food, shifting it around the plate as if she wanted to avoid the idea of eating. Concern weighed over Laurent's shoulders as he gently nudged Eileen, trying to draw her attention as he whispered her name worriedly. Eileen jerked away from Laurent's touch, her posture stiff and shrunken in, as she shifted away from Laurent slightly.

It was obvious to Laurent why Eileen was acting so defensive and closed off - he was worried about Curtis too - but it still hurt nonetheless. Laurent was brave in battle, and he'd found that his naturally cheerful disposition made making friends easy, but none of that could help the vile well of self-doubt that dwelled inside him. He'd normally brush off rejection with an easy laugh and a shrug, but Eileen was his best friend's sister and someone he cared for deeply - and Laurent's exhaustion made it far easier for him to fixate on the tiniest displays of disinterest or rejection towards him.

Laurent attempted to plaster on a smile - anything to ease Eileen's worrying and make her more receptive to his concern - but it faltered and fell flat almost immediately. Shame coursed through his body like a snake, reddening his cheeks so that he had to hurriedly duck his head and hope none of the others had seen.

A firm hand on his shoulder drew Laurent's head up, his eyes shifting to the golden gaze of Jimmy. Where there was normally an easy smile on his fellow lancer's face, was an expression of such serious protectiveness that Laurent almost didn't recognize Jimmy.

Jimmy said nothing, though the firmness with which he met Laurent's gaze and squeezed his shoulder was more than enough. Laurent sighed and stared at the table's finish, shoulders slumped as Jimmy gave him a reassuring pat on the shoulder. The elder lancer stood and moved next to Eileen, sitting down beside her before he wrapped an arm around her and gave Eileen a hug.

Eileen stopped stabbing at her food at Jimmy's hug, her fork clattering onto her plate as her entire body stiffened with shock. Jimmy pulled Eileen closer and then gently tilted her chin so that she had to meet his gaze.

"It's not your fault, Eileen."

Eileen lowered her head and let out a shaking sigh. "I'm supposed to protect Curtis… I should have been beside him. I could have protected him from the Imperials!"

Jimmy shook his head, and it was with a flash of sternness that surprised Laurent. Jimmy was never stern, least of all with the youngest members of Squad E, and especially not with one of his squad mates that was as upset as Eileen was.

"You were assisting Connor when Curtis was shot. Would you have abandoned him - and forgone the trust Claude put in you - just to help Curtis?"

"I-I… he's my brother," Eileen stammered, the edge of her words thick as if she was going to cry, "it's my job to protect him."

"I understand that," Jimmy said, "and I commend your strength and loyalty, but it is _not_ your fault. Curtis was shot protecting Odin from a sniper that only he saw. Your brother knew what he was doing, Eileen, when he shoved Odin out of the sniper's sight.

"It could have been you who was shot, and how do you think Curtis would react to his sister being shot? As I'm sure Laurent's already reminded you, Curtis is one tough scout - just like you, Eileen. He will recover, but not if he has to worry about your safety the whole time."

Eileen's cheeks reddened before she ducked her head away from Jimmy's gaze and shyly glanced in Laurent's direction. "Sorry, Laurent… I'm just worried about Curtis. I wasn't trying to… I'm sorry…"

"Nothing to apologize for," Laurent reassured with a shake of his head before, with a meaningful glance towards Eileen's plate and a high, motherly tone that reminded Laurent of his own mother, added, "except for ignoring your food when you're hungry."

A giggle escaped from Eileen's mouth, and the smile that brightened her face made Laurent's heart soar. He was relieved to see a glimmer of the cheerful Eileen, especially since such an occurrence had become so rare since Squad E had fled Lindbergh base. Encouraged, Laurent felt his own mood slowly lighten, though he was desperate to keep Eileen's mind off worrying over her brother.

Keeping his voice lowered so as to not bother the other members of Squad E, Laurent poked fun at himself, reminding Eileen of all the trouble Curtis had had to pull him out of when they were young. Eileen rolled her eyes at times while she hurriedly devoured her food, and even turned red with embarrassment at some of his jokes. Jimmy even seemed invested in Laurent's reminiscing as the golden haired lancer had snorted at a few of his jokes, and there was a knowing smirk on his face whenever Laurent mentioned needing Curtis to get him out of trouble.

"You sound like my son. He always was finding some way into trouble."

Keigel's voice surprised Laurent and cut off his current thread of conversation - Curtis' tenth birthday, when he and Eileen had woken early and done every one of Curtis' chores around the Blackwell's small farm. Curtis had been flustered and deeply confused by the show of care from his sister and best friend, so much so that the deeply serious boy had cried - with a start.

He had heard about Keigel's son more from Jimmy than Keigel himself, but Laurent knew full well that pain resided in Keigel's heart over the loss of his son. And Laurent understood Keigel's pain to a degree, though his loss was only a few years fresh and not laden with guilt.

Keigel chuffed and shook his head before a weak, strained smile tugged at his lips. "I don't know how many times my wife and I found him injured after a fight with some of the older boys from town. He was always so determined to fight for what he believed was right. That's why he volunteered for the First Europan War… he was always daring and raring to protect his home, no matter the costs."

A wistful smile tugged at the corners of Keigel's mouth before the lancer let out a sigh and shook his head. Laurent had never seen Keigel so down, though it was obvious Keigel was attempting to brush off the sorrow that had darkened his eyes. "Don't listen to this old fool ramble… It's just sentimentality talking."

"I don't find you a fool, Keigel," Eileen piped up. Her voice was no longer strained, and she almost sounded like the energetic and sensitive Eileen from Lindbergh base. "Your son sounds like he was a fine man and, if he was anything like you, an excellent soldier and friend. Right?"

"Yeah," Keigel breathed, his voice suddenly vacant of all gruffness as he looked away from Laurent, the rest of the lancers, and Eileen, "he was."

The entire table grew quiet after that, with only the scrape of Eileen's fork and the steady breathing of the lancers the only sound from those gathered at the table. And it was only with the sound of the door to the mess hall opening that the silent mess hall was broken with noise.

Claude was trudging into the mess hall alongside Captain Morgen, exhaustion marked clearly on his face. Claude did not speak as Captain Morgen stepped forward and smiled in Squad E's direction.

"I hope everyone enjoyed their meals; Hanna's the best cook we could ask for here on the _Centurion_. Lieutenant Haddock has informed me that my sailors have finished clearing out a suitable number of rooms for all of you to share. I will leave the room arrangements to your captain, as you are not under my command, truthfully.

"Normal operations onboard the _Centurion_ start at 0600 hours but, due to your squad's poor state and need for recuperation, Squad E will not need to be awake before 0800," Captain Morgen explained. The white haired man nodded to Claude, who saluted the man, and, after returning Claude's salute, left the mess hall.

Claude sighed as Captain Morgen departed the mess hall, then scrounged through his uniform to pull out a beaten piece of paper. "Unless anyone has any complaints about their arrangements from Lindbergh base, I will be keeping everyone in the same sleeping arrangements as before. The only change is that there are four beds - two bunks in total - to a room here.

"Keigel and Aulard, you will be sharing quarters with Connor and Ryan from here out. Laurent and Jimmy, I'm bunking you both with Curtis and Jester. Godwin, you will be with Zaiga as always, along with Simon and Stanley…"

When Claude finished up the room details - sticking Eileen, Ferrier, Neige and Nico together - he dismissed the platoon with a tired salute and sat down heavily at an unoccupied table.

Eileen finished eating then straightened up from the table, a serious glint in her eyes as she turned to Laurent. "I want to check on Curtis, are you coming with?"

"Of course I am," Laurent said with a jerk of his head. An edge of worry for his best friend gnawed its way into Laurent's chest, though he kept it from Eileen's knowledge with a slight smile. "Somebody's got to be there for him, right?"

Eileen said nothing for a long minute, though her eyes shifted away from Laurent and her shoulders slumped, before she nodded and quietly whispered, "Yes. Somebody does."

* * *

Curtis was in a fitful sleep when Laurent and Eileen had strode into the medical bay, led there by the _Centurion_ 's radio operator, Marie. Karen, who looked frazzled and exceptionally tired, had seemed somewhat harried at their arrival, but allowed both to approach Curtis.

Laurent pulled up a stool beside Curtis' bunk and gently - cautiously, as he had been punched once by Curtis when he'd woken him after a long battle - shook the scout's shoulder. Eileen fidgeted next to Laurent imperceptibly as Curtis groaned and slowly woke, and it was the press of her shoulder against him that made Laurent wrap his left arm around Eileen and pull her close.

Eileen shot Laurent a glance, her green eyes softening from sharp worry to thankful affection as Curtis' voice, dull and shaky, pulled her gaze away from Laurent.

"Eileen… Laurent… are you… okay?" Curtis asked, his gaze shifting between them with the normal level of worry Laurent had known from Curtis since they were kids."

"We're alright," Eileen reassured Curtis, "though I… I've been worried for you."

Curtis shook his head slowly, dully, as a flash of shadowed pain crossed his face. "There is no need to worry, Eileen. Karen said that I will heal. I will be fine."

"Oh, big bro…" Eileen smiled at Curtis' response, but she didn't sound relieved, not by a long shot.

And it was clear Curtis heard it, as his eyes shifted to Laurent, an unspoken question sharpening his scowl as he jerked his head towards Eileen. Laurent could only shrug and mouth a silent "later" in answer, to which Curtis nodded his understanding.

The door to the medical bay creaked open, revealing the sun-bright smile of Nico, who hesitantly approached the group. Laurent saw Curtis' expression change to one of awkward nervousness as Nico stopped beside Eileen and lightly tapped the engineer on the shoulder.

"Hey, we're waiting for you in our room. We haven't been able to pick top or bottom bunks, 'cause Neige said she thought you liked top bunks, and we decided to wait for you to decide bed placements. Just, uh," Nico's eyes shot towards Curtis and Laurent before she swallowed and continued to smile, "just come to the room marked 5, alright? We'll read some books or something while we wait-"

"No," Eileen interrupted Nico as she donned a smile and stood up from her stool, "I'll go with you now. I'm tired anyways, and sleep sounds like a good idea. I expect you to get some rest, Curtis, got it?"

"Yes, Eileen," Curtis sighed as his sister jerked a nod - she was clearly trying to act tough in front of Nico - and left the medical bay.

The sound of the medical bay's door closing seemed to drain Curtis' energy as he slumped against his mattress and rubbed at his eyes with one hand. Laurent, worried by the downcast frown that had appeared the moment Curtis' sister had left, nudged his friend gently.

"Hey, man, you alright? What's wrong?" Laurent hissed as he sidled closer to Curtis and placed a hand on Curtis' left shoulder.

Curtis did not reply at first, and his eyes did not shift from their fixed position on the ceiling even when Laurent prodded his friend in the side - and not gently, by any means. Finally, Curtis sighed and looked Laurent directly in the eyes.

"I need you to promise me something, Laurent."

The hard edge to Curtis' words made Laurent freeze, his grip on Curtis' shoulder tightening as worry settled deep within him. Curtis was often downcast and solemn - he'd been that way ever since his and Eileen's parents had died when they were kids - but this felt different.

More… final.

Laurent didn't like it.

So, with a fake smile, Laurent gently nudged Curtis and scoffed loudly. "You know you can trust me, partner. Always."

"If anything happens to me, I need you to protect Eileen."

Laurent stared at Curtis, mouth ajar as Curtis' green eyes narrowed fractionally. Horror clawed at Laurent's throat, made more poignant by the seriousness in Curtis' voice. Curtis knew exactly what he was saying, and that was scaring Laurent.

"What?! Are you… what's wrong? I… I can't…" Laurent stammered as he shook his head, not wanting to meet that cold look from Curtis. Not wanting to accept the fear that he could lose his best friend - Laurent's only remaining family. He _couldn't_.

"Laurent."

"I can't," Laurent snarled, "I can't promise that! Why would you even think like that, Curtis?"

"Please, Laurent, do not argue," Curtis breathed, and Laurent could not miss that the edge in Curtis' eyes had dulled considerably. "I just need your promise."

Laurent lowered his head and crossed his arms over his chest, unwilling to face his best friend. He knew what Curtis was implying, and Laurent didn't like it. And he'd seen hints of this fatalism from Curtis after the long, drawn out battle of Seigval Line - when Laurent and Eileen both had been injured - but Laurent hadn't taken it seriously.

"I promise…" Laurent finally relented, "so long as you promise that all three of us will make it through this war, alright?"

He thought he saw Curtis smile for a brief second before his best friend nodded, his green eyes closing as he sighed in relief. "Yes, Laurent… I promise."

Worry gnawed in the very marrow of Laurent's self and, it was only after a stern command from Karen, that he left the medical bay. He didn't even pay attention to the direction he was walking until he slammed into the tall frame of Jimmy.

"Laurent! You alright? I got worried about you and have been looking for you for a while now. Glad I ran into you, kid," Jimmy's tone sounded cheery, but Laurent could tell that his fellow lancer was worried.

But then, Jimmy was always worried, always watching out for the members of Squad E, even if one didn't desire Jimmy's worrying. Laurent didn't mind Jimmy usually, but he couldn't shake the edge of fatalism he'd seen from Curtis, and he wasn't much in the mood for idle chatter with Jimmy.

"I'm fine," Laurent responded as he attempted to move past Jimmy, though the golden haired lancer stopped him with a firm hand on his shoulder.

"I know the way to our room," Jimmy said quietly, "and you're not going in the right direction if you intend to sleep there tonight. Jester and I already drew straws, and he won top bunk - same with you."

Laurent grunted in response before he shook Jimmy's hand off his shoulder and stared at the ground, not wanting Jimmy to see the emotions battling through him. He acknowledged more than heard when Jimmy hissed his name, and was finally forced to meet Jimmy's gaze when the taller lancer pulled his head up.

He could feel the worry radiating off Jimmy, and there wasn't any hint of Jimmy's cheerful nature when he looked Laurent in the eye. "You aren't alright, Laurent. What happened? Is Curtis okay?"

"He's fine, I guess," Laurent snapped, more angry at himself for not seeing the hurt in Curtis earlier than anything else, "I mean, he's going to heal from the gunshot… but… he… he asked me to promise him that I would protect Eileen if something happened to him. He's been… different since Siegval."

"How so?" Jimmy asked. Laurent barely noticed that Jimmy had found them a bench and forced him to sit down, though Laurent didn't mind the chance to get off his feet.

He was still tired, and his body and mind was weary - and burdened with the knowledge that the war he'd so willingly jumped headfirst into, was changing his best friend. His best friend, who had joined the Federation's Rangers Corps solely to protect Laurent.

The guilt was crushing and only made Laurent's self-doubt ever more noticeable as it gnawed into him. A stinging heat pricked at his eyes before he had to wipe at his face furiously, hoping to whatever source of luck was listening that Jimmy hadn't seen his tears.

He didn't want to burden Jimmy with his troubles, not when he knew how willing Jimmy was to jump without a care to his own welfare to help someone. Laurent wasn't worthy of Jimmy's kindness, not now - not when he'd been so plainly oblivious to Curtis' despair.

"Laurent?" Jimmy's grip on his shoulder was vice tight, a shock to his system that snapped Laurent's thoughts away as if they were leaves on the wind.

Laurent let out a weak breath as Jimmy quietly comforted him, gaze riveted to the ground, before he sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "There's no reason for me to burden you, Jimmy. It's… it's my problem, not yours."

When Jimmy said nothing in response to Laurent, he almost expected the veteran lancer to have accepted his statement. He _wanted_ Jimmy to, but the lancer had never been the type to leave his troubled allies.

"It may not be my issue, but you're still one of my squad. I'm here to help, alright? If you don't want to tell me everything that is wrong, that's understandable. But I'm here for you nonetheless, Laurent."

"I know," Laurent sighed.

_But that doesn't make me feel any better._

* * *

Claude was standing in the empty mess hall, arms at his side, with two men in Federation army uniforms flanking Squad E's commander on each side. Squad E had been summoned to the mess hall at 0830 hours by their commander, and more than a few were quietly muttering about the two men beside Claude.

The man on Claude's left was blond, with eyes that tracked everyone and a quite noticeable scowl. The blond peered over Squad E's ranks with a pinched expression, as if he wished to be anywhere but in the mess hall at that very moment.

And, to Claude's right, stood a man with messy gray hair, cold gray eyes that seemed sharp even for the wire framed glasses he wore, and an expression that seemed as stern and unfriendly as the blond's. Laurent shared a questioning look with Jimmy, who shrugged and shook his head, before he sat down at the furthest table from Claude, along with the rest of the lancers.

"Sorry for the abrupt meeting, everyone," Claude sounded tired as he spoke, his eyes shifting around the mess hall slowly, "but I'd like to introduce two new members of Squad E. Welcome Private First Class Leonhardt Strauch, who'll be joining our ranks as a sniper."

The blond saluted, though not without a curling of his mouth that seemed to be bordering on a snarl more than a smile. A few members of Squad E quietly welcomed Leonhardt, though their normal enthusiasm for new recruits was nowhere present. Laurent didn't have the energy, or the enthusiasm, to do much more than mutter welcome to their new sniper.

Claude looked just as excited as the rest of his platoon as he gestured towards the gray haired man with a sigh. "And this is Corporal Jascha Alatt, and he will be joining our platoon as a grenadier."

Jascha saluted without a shift in his stern expression, and Laurent could not help but to find both new recruits abnormally unfriendly. Riley, Connor and Aoife all excitedly greeted their fellow grenadier as Claude signaled both men to join the others at the mess tables.

Leonhardt sat down away from the group, his arms crossed over his chest as he shot a guarded look towards all of Squad E. When the sniper's gaze shifted past Laurent, he gave the blond a friendly smile and wave that he hoped seemed friendlier than the iciness Leonhardt and Jascha both were exuding. Leonhardt scowled in Laurent's direction before he scoffed and turned his nose away from Squad E, all while muttering something too quiet for Laurent to decipher.

Jascha hesitated, his gray eyes shifting from where Leonhardt sat to the table of grenadiers excitedly waving him over. Finally, Jascha relented and joined the grenadiers, leaving Claude still standing at the front of the mess hall.

"Alright," Claude said, gesturing for silence as he cast his gaze to Squad E's new recruits, "Captain Morgen has sworn to the prowess of both Leonhardt and Jascha, and I expect everyone to treat them as members of Squad E. Is that understood?"

"Yes, sir," all of Squad E echoed, though Laurent heard a few reluctant voices amongst the swarm.

They had marched through snow, fought off scores of Imperials, and seen their fellow soldiers dead and unmoving before them. No one was in the mood to celebrate new recruits - two soldiers who did not share in the desperation Squad E had battled through within the snowy mountain passes.

"Good," Claude continued, "then I must inform you that we have been ordered to conduct a training skirmish today at 1300 hours-"

Groans and frustrated sounds of protest rent the air from all corners of the mess hall, though most loudly from Godwin and Stanley. Laurent heard a grunt of understanding from Keigel, the only lancer to even make a hint of their feelings known to the others.

"Shut up!" Raz barked from the shocktroopers' heavily populated corner of the room. "Let Claude finish!"

The groans died down slightly at Sergeant Raz's snarl, but there was still an undercurrent of frustration and anger that soured the air. Claude, to his credit, looked just as discouraged as the rest of his platoon, and nodded his assent to their complaints.

"I understand your complaints, and I did try to convince Captain Morgen to give us more time, but he deemed it best that Squad E learns snow combat sooner rather than later," Claude explained. "But, until 1230, everyone is free to rest, or whatever you desire. I do expect everyone to be gathered by the _Centurion_ 's deployment zone - where we all embarked upon arrival - before 1230, understood?"

A wave of nods and affirming grunts followed Claude's speech and, with a salute, Claude hurried from the mess hall. Keigel, the de facto leader of Squad E's lancers, let out a growl as Claude vanished from the mess hall as he turned a glare to the lancers gathered at the table around him.

"I sure as hell know that we're all tired, but that won't stop Squad E's lancers from showing their prowess and discipline, right?"

"Never!" Jean laughed. "We have to show these Navy boys what real muscle is for!"

* * *

"Heh, these sailors aren't so ready to brag now, are they?" Viola growled from beside Laurent as they crouched behind a fortification of sandbags.

The Navy vs. Army mock battle had been going well for Squad E, all things considered with the entire platoon's level of exhaustion, so well in fact that even Laurent's mood was somewhat improved. He didn't mind the fact that Claude had assigned him, Viola and Jascha to cover the rest of the platoon's advance in the backlines.

Viola seemed the edgiest about being left in the backlines, but she wasn't as eager to disobey Claude anymore, and so she stayed as Laurent and Jascha's protection. Laurent had his ears perked for the sound of any sneaky Navy scouts, while Viola was occasionally patrolling behind them, and Jascha had not moved a muscle from his ready position with his mortar.

Laurent had to admit that Jascha had surprised him. The man was, as he'd suspected at his introduction, very stern and withdrawn, but he had not complained once when Viola - a _private_ \- had ordered Jascha around, even when he was higher ranked than the shocktrooper.

"They knew nothing of your platoon," Jascha explained quietly, "and have no basis of knowledge to draw their judgments from. All they see is a group of Army Rangers, people they believe are undisciplined and without honor."

Viola scowled beside Laurent before she let out a sharp snort of disbelief. "We've pulled through tougher battles than any of these Navy wetbacks. What do they know?"

Jascha shrugged, ignoring the sounds of dummy rounds and shouts that echoed around the abandoned village, before he spoke. "It seems both sides have much to learn about the other."

Viola scoffed loudly, obviously disbelieving - even discrediting - Jascha's statement. "There's nothing useful I could learn from these sailors."

Laurent saw Jascha raise an eyebrow but the grenadier chose not to argue, as he turned his focus back to the battlefield. Viola fidgeted beside Laurent before she stood up from her cover and stomped off, off to do her rounds again.

"She's very hot-headed, isn't she?" Jascha almost sounded bemused as he watched Viola leave, though Laurent wasn't sure the grenadier was actually capable of mirth or laughter.

"She is," Laurent agreed, "though she's gotten somewhat better since we first joined."

"Oh? Interesting…" Jascha said as he rubbed at his chin, gray eyes unfocused as he watched Viola's retreating form. "I have read up on Squad E, and it seems like many of your platoon are quite… ah… eccentric."

Laurent snorted and shrugged, a wry grin twitching at his mouth. Squad E _did_ have its share of odd characters and strange quirks, but it was what made their squad. "Yeah, I guess you can say that. But there's no one else I'd rather fight beside than those of Squad E."

Jascha's expression shifted for a second, though all Laurent could decipher was the scowl that pulled at his lips. Laurent stared at the grenadier, uncertain of what the gray haired man was thinking.

"Uh… you alright there, Ja-"

"Get down!"

Jascha's snarl hit him at the same time as the grenadier pounced on Laurent, shoving him into the snow just as a loud _thwack_ of a bullet hitting the building behind him cracked through the air.

_Sniper!_

Laurent scrambled onto his belly and grabbed for his lance as Jascha turned his mortar in the direction of the shot, and it was almost simultaneously that the two fired. The lance's warhead, dummy round though it was, screamed through the air, impacting on the sniper's high perch just as Jascha's mortar round hit the sniper.

Laurent heard the sniper scream as he was thrown from his feet, though he did not relax until he was certain the sniper was counted as out of the skirmish. Once he saw no more movement from the perch, Laurent let out a breath and smiled in Jascha's direction.

"Thanks for that."

"Of course," Jascha said with a firm nod. "You had fine aim."

"Oh, uh," Laurent felt his cheeks redden at the compliment and rubbed at the nape of his neck self-consciously, "thanks. And you did too."

Laurent thought he saw Jascha smile, though it was so quick he wasn't certain. _Jascha may not be that friendly, but he seems like someone Squad E can depend on._

* * *

Jester yawned across from Laurent and, with a disheartened groan, laid his cards face down on the table. "I'm callin' it quits. If I can't even win a stakeless game, then I need to get out before the chips really fall."

Jimmy, who had somehow won every round of the anteless poker, smiled before he too laid down his cards. Laurent shot Curtis a look before he threw his cards on the table and yawned.

"That was embarrassing."

Curtis nodded his silent agreement to Laurent's statement, far too shy to openly admit his dislike for card games to Jester's face. Laurent didn't care particularly for gambling, but he hadn't been inclined to refuse Jester's request - not when he knew that a game would distract the four of them from their recent struggles.

The entire _Centurion_ crew, and all of Squad E, had become even more disheartened after the loss of the _Comet_ \- a sister snow cruiser to the _Centurion_. Not only were the sailors down heartened from the loss of their allies, the entire ship was low on fuel and supplies, and it was felt.

And the fact that the _Centurion_ was running on its backup engine, and thus had barely enough power to sustain the lights, let alone their heaters, only made living in the steel cruiser unbearable.

The only bright spot for Laurent was Curtis' return to full health, and the knowledge that his best friend was doing better. He hadn't heard Curtis mention anything akin to the conversation they'd had in the medical bay since his return to full duty, which was soundly relieving.

And Laurent was going to do anything to keep it that way.

"So… what do you think is next for us?" Jimmy asked quietly. "We're low on supplies and the _Centurion_ 's been bleeding since that Winter Witch attacked. There aren't many options left now."

Curtis shifted uncomfortably beside Laurent at Jimmy's question, though he said nothing. He was still quiet and awkward around Jester and Jimmy, even though the four had been sharing quarters for weeks now, but Laurent knew this wasn't a quiet solely generated from his friend's anxiety.

"I don't know," Jester grumbled finally, and it was then that Laurent recognized the exhaustion in the scout's voice. "Who even knows if this is going to work? The Imperials saw the _Centurion_ when we were buried in the crevasse. The last they know is that the _Centurion_ is wounded but still functional. I don't even know if there's a point in continuing."

Laurent felt uncomfortable at the obvious defeat in Jester's voice. Everyone in Squad E liked their corporal because of his upbeat nature, but this wasn't that Jester. The upbeat Jester had been considerably absent since he had been deployed on a night mission days before the _Comet_ 's destruction.

Laurent hadn't been a part of the mission, but he'd seen the guilt and doubt in Jester's eyes after he had returned to the _Centurion_. He knew Jester blamed himself for the injuries Jascha had suffered in the failed mission - of which he had only just recovered from - and had heard the older man muttering in his sleep ever since.

"Do you think we should just give up?" Laurent questioned. "Make the sacrifices of our fellow allies and friends pointless?"

"No," Jester growled, "I would never suggest something like that. I am merely… wondering what's the point of this mission?

"We have all guessed that we are traveling to Schwartzgrad… but what are we supposed to do there? Us and the _Cavalier_ against every citizen and soldier in the city? That sounds like insurmountable odds, even to me."

"The Federation would never employ Squad E to kill citizens," Laurent protested, "there's no honor or justice in attacking citizens. Our job is to fight the enemy army, not the country's citizens. Why would you even think the Federation would authorize a mission like that?"

The look Jester sent Laurent was almost pitying, a look that made him snap his mouth shut and flushed his cheeks with embarrassment. Laurent had been reprimanded by Keigel for his, as the veteran lancer had put it, "foolishly young naivety" before, and Jester's look was far too close to that reprimand for his comfort.

"There is no justice in war, Laurent," Jester reminded him quietly, "and least of all when an army is on its last feet. We all know that Operation Northern Cross failed, and Squad E is all that is left of the entire operation.

"None of us can be certain about what lengths the Federation will go to in a drive to end this war."

Laurent lowered his head, unable to meet Jester's gaze, and nodded jerkishly. "I… I guess you could be right but… I don't..."

"Trust me," Jester sighed as Laurent trailed off, unable to voice the onslaught of thoughts in his head, "none of us do."

* * *

The night sky was dappled with a blanket of stars, too peaceful for the reality of the _Centurion_ 's path. The threat of Fort Garsbruck was finally behind them, but they were still so far from Schwartzgrad - and what there, he did not know.

"Laurent?"

The sound of Curtis' voice startled Laurent out of his thoughts, his gaze snapping from the Crystal Sea to meet the concerned eyes of his best friend.

"Are you alright, Laurent?"

Laurent shrugged, uncertain on how he could answer his best friend. He felt Curtis' hand brush his back before the scout pushed next to him, and leaned against the railing in front of them.

Laurent was tired, tired of the war and the fighting and the death. The _Comet_ and every platoon that was part of Northern Cross were dead. His best friend was quieter, colder and hardened by the war. And Laurent? Laurent had changed too.

He didn't believe the Empire as solely villains - as if from a storybook - but he was still angry. Angry at the Imperial soldier who'd gunned his mother down and angry at the Federation - Jester's words still clawed at his head, dogging through his beliefs nightly. But he was angriest at himself, for forcing Curtis' hand into the war.

Curtis seemed aware of the maelstrom of anger within Laurent for, with a gentle hand on his shoulder, met his gaze. No words needed to be said as the scout smiled, his green eyes soft with love.

Laurent sighed and nodded. He understood. They were in this together, to the very end. Best friends and brothers.

* * *

His head was spinning.

Laurent couldn't make sense of directions, or even where he was…

A burning in his side, as if he'd been shoved into a bed of embers, drug his gaze - blurry and unfocused, as it was - to his right side.

Only fully did he recognize the shards of shrapnel sticking out of his uniform, and the warm, sticky fluid that was his _blood_ staining the snow around him.

He'd been hit… he had to get to safety…

Ragnaid…

Weakly, Laurent fumbled for anything around himself, only for his hands to scrape snow and broken stone. His lance was nowhere in reach and that scared him.

Laurent gritted his teeth and slowly attempted to stand, rolling onto his side and then onto his hands and knees first. His body screamed at him as he moved, and it was as if an ice pick was driving through his side. His vision swam, staggering him before he slumped onto his back once again.

Distantly, he could hear gunfire and the snarl of a tank… the black tank…

He could remember the black tank appearing suddenly through the ruins, surprising all of Squad E. Claude had ordered a swift retreat, with the Hafen and Glory covering their back line.

Laurent had been ordered to take high ground amongst the ruins alongside Nico but…

Worry chilled him to the bone, gnawing into his marrow as images of the black tank's barrel focusing directly on him and Nico, clawed at the back of his memories. He'd screamed for Nico to run only a second before the Imperial tank fired a shrapnel round directly at his feet. Clearly, Laurent had been hit, but what about Nico?

"N-Nico?" His voice came out as a croak, too weak for even himself to hear over the hail of explosions and gunfire.

Wincing and with his teeth gritted to fight the pain blazing through his stomach, Laurent staggered to his feet. His legs wavered under him, adding a shake to his swimming head, as he planted his boots against the ground.

Copper coated his mouth, blood that he wiped away absently. A slow turn of his head revealed no sign of Nico's blonde hair and, though his ears were still ringing, he couldn't hear any sign of the blonde scout.

"Nico?"

No response, but for his swimming head and the snarl of gunfire…

Movement - a flash of metal and a loud shout - snapped Laurent's head to the left, just as he felt a flare of agony strike his chest. The force of the bullet slammed into him as if he was hit by a tree, and there was no chance for him to do anything but fall.

_Get up!_

Urgency roared in his mind, screaming for Laurent to move as the Imperial shocktrooper approached his position, his submachine gun's barrel aimed directly at his chest. Laurent snarled defiantly, though he knew the end was inevitable.

A sudden roar, like a wildfire's rage, snapped the focus of the Imperial shocktrooper away from Laurent. The soldier's gun had no time to sight towards the approaching fury before he was gunned down, the gargle of the Imperial soldier's dying breath as clear as the shout of worry calling his name.

He registered Curtis skidding to his knees beside himself before Laurent felt his best friend press a hand to his shoulder. Green eyes, filled with worry and fear, flashed in the corner of Laurent's vision, which was giving way to the darkness of unconscious.

"Hang in there, Laurent! I'm here!"

* * *

The alarm had been screaming non-stop since the Imperial ragnite net had blocked the _Centurion_ 's relentless charge to Schwartzgrad. Laurent's ears were ringing as he and Curtis hurried down the _Centurion_ 's hallways, avoiding the sailors that charged past with frantic expressions.

"Do you think Claude has a plan?" Laurent hissed as another pair of sailors charged past.

"I do not have any idea," Curtis said with a shake of his head, "though I doubt the Imperials will patiently wait for the hour they promised."

Laurent scoffed, knowing that Curtis was more than close to the truth. He opened his mouth to reply, to jokingly answer, but the appearance of Sergeant Raz, striding from the hallway towards them, stopped him before Laurent could even speak.

Something was different with Sergeant Raz as he walked towards Laurent and Curtis, his stance rigid and mouth firm.

"Sergeant Raz?" Laurent pried cautiously as the shocktrooper stopped in front of him and Curtis.

"Claude's authorized a mission that will deal with the ragnite netting," Raz growled. "I will be leading a strike team of two to destroy the ragnite nets' generators. I am looking for my shocktroopers, as I know them well and trust them enough for a mission like this."

"A mission like what?" Laurent asked, though he had his suspicions from the serious, fixed scowl on Raz's face and how his tone sounded _ready_.

Raz looked Laurent in the eye, the ferocity of his gaze nearly overwhelming in its intensity. "It's a one way mission. We have barely enough time left to deploy for battle, let alone for the _Centurion_ to pick up my strikeforce. I'm not coming back, and nor will the trooper who volunteers to go with me."

Laurent stiffened at his sergeant's response, his eyes shifting towards Curtis slowly. He expected to see shock or worry on Curtis' face, but all he could read was a solid determination in his forest green eyes.

"A suicide mission…" Curtis' expression was thoughtful, yet distant to a degree. "Time's running out…"

"Yeah," Raz snarled, "Forseti only gave us an hour and that time is almost up. I need to find a shocktrooper who will volunteer and-"

"I will go," Curtis interrupted.

Laurent had to double take at what his friend said and, were it not for the fact he knew Curtis was without a sense of humor, he would have believed the scout was joking. But he knew Curtis wasn't joking, as much as Laurent wished he would.

"Are you certain?" Raz asked quietly. Laurent noticed that Raz looked towards him when he spoke, as if he was trying to remind Curtis of Laurent's presence.

Curtis glanced towards Laurent, and the pain in his eyes was all too obvious. "There is no time to argue. We must go now if we are to protect our squad."

"Very well. I need to tell Claude, meet me in five by the hanger." Raz nodded then whirled around and ran back in the direction he had come.

Laurent blinked, stunned, shocked, and hoped to hell that he'd just imagined his best friend volunteering for a suicide mission. And that he'd done nothing to stop Curtis.

"C-Curtis? Why… did you… didn't you hear Raz? You're going on a suicide mission!" Laurent roared, his hands curling into fists at his side.

Fear and rage and hurt was shaking him, fear for his best friend an icy lance that drove through his heart. Laurent couldn't _believe_ that Curtis would volunteer- volunteer to leave his sister and Laurent behind.

 _I need you. Don't do this! I'll go in your place. Eileen needs you, needs you to protect her. I_ will _go in your stead. Please… don't leave me… I love you, Curtis..._

But Laurent's thoughts refused to form into words, leaving everything unsaid as he stared at Curtis. He could feel his cheeks flaming with anger, but he couldn't do anything more than glare at Curtis.

He saw Curtis' green eyes flash with gentle, fierce warmth before his best friend's mouth twitched with the faintest trace of a smile. "Be strong, Laurent. I love you. You were the best friend I could have ever asked for, and the best brother I could ever want. Just… tell Eileen I'm sorry, and keep her safe. Please?"

In that moment, Laurent had never hated the Empire more than the self-loathing burning inside him. He couldn't stand here and let Curtis go off on a suicide mission, but he _was_. Laurent was a coward - afraid of death, but also afraid of losing his best friend.

And then Raz was back and, before Laurent knew it, Curtis bade him a quiet farewell and, striding alongside Raz, left the _Centurion_ 's lift.

Laurent stared after his best friend, heart twisting with despair as Curtis' back vanished in the whiteout. He was entirely unaware of the arrival of Squad E next him, until he heard his name shouted by a highly worried voice.

"Laurent!" Eileen's shout snapped Laurent out of his daze, his eyes shifting to where the small engineer was hurrying towards him.

She stopped in front of him, eyes narrowed cautiously before she grabbed his arm - tightly. "Where's Curtis?"

Laurent stared past her, out the lift, and opened his mouth - desperate to explain.

"Squad E, fall in!" Claude's order was barely acknowledged by Laurent, as he stayed put and did not join the lancers in formation until a snap from Gertrude pulled him from his stony posture.

Claude was speaking quickly as Laurent joined the rest of Squad E's lancers, though their captain's voice was taught with pain.

"-this mission is our only chance. I did not want to agree to it but… Raz is right. This is our only chance. Both Raz and Curtis volunteered-"

Eileen gasped, her cry a muffled shout of her brother's name as Claude powered through his words - as if he hadn't heard her interruption.

"-knowing full well that we cannot pick them up, and we need to provide support for their mission."

"No! Curtis! CURTIS!"

Eileen suddenly bolted from her place beside Rebecca, charging towards the open ramp of the _Centurion_.

Laurent heard a number of Squad E members shout Eileen's name as he lunged for the engineer-

Laurent held onto Eileen as she struggled fiercely in his arms, her voice cracking as she screamed Curtis' name repeatedly. "Eileen, please…"

"Brother! No! You can't- you can't let him go! Curtis! _Curtis_!"

Eileen clawed at Laurent's arms, thrashing now with not just desperation, but rage too, as she attempted to break from his grasp. Then suddenly she whirled a fiery glare on Laurent, and she looked so unlike herself that Laurent flinched - and almost dropped the engineer.

"Let me go," Eileen ordered, the cracks in her voice sharp as flint and snarling with rage.

"No," Laurent shook his head, afraid of speaking and letting everyone hear his voice tremor.

"Damn you, Laurent! Let me _go_!" Eileen smashed a fist against his chest and, though her fist hit Laurent's armored suit, he felt the contact all the way to his heart. He tried not to meet her eyes as she thrashed and fought in his arms, afraid of what he'd see in her eyes.

In front of him, Claude lowered his head wordlessly as Eileen squirmed and thrashed, her screams turning into sobs until she finally stopped fighting. Laurent did not let go of his firm hold on Eileen, even when he felt her body slacken.

"I am sorry, Eileen," Claude's apology sounded drained, "but we cannot stop Raz or Curtis. They… know what they are doing, and this is the only way we can escape this netting. You and Laurent must stay here on the _Centurion_ , while the rest of Squad E provides support for Raz and Curtis."

Rage, pure and unaltered rage, burned through Laurent's veins at Claude's order. "You aren't going to force me to stay on this ship while my best friend sacrifices himself," he snarled, "I am going."

"And I am too!" Eileen interjected angrily.

Claude met Laurent's gaze before he sighed. "I understand… Both of you may come, but I need you focused on the mission."

"Understood," Eileen snapped, her gaze shifting to meet Laurent's.

The pain in her eyes was equaled by the sorrow and self-loathing eating at Laurent. But he pushed it away to give her a jerk of his head.

"Stay with me, Eileen."

* * *

Laurent trudged through Smelk's graveyard, his shoulders slumped and his chest heavy with pain, until he reached a small headstone that had freshly pressed flowers laid on it.

 _Eileen_.

A weak smile tugged at Laurent's lips as he kneeled in front of the grave and placed his right hand on the top of the headstone. He had no reason to read the lettering, for it was seared word for word on his heart - never to unburden itself, or absolve him of his guilt.

**Curtis Blackwell**

**6 February 1917 - 28 Nov 1935**

Laurent's grip on the headstone tightened as tears stung his eyes, falling from him without even an attempt made to stop them. "I'm so sorry, Curtis… I failed to watch your back. I should be the one buried, while you live… Why did you have to volunteer? Why!?

"You left me, partner…"

_And it should have been me._

Regret clawed at Laurent's throat as he kneeled in the ground in front of Curtis' headstone. He saw more than felt the tremors that shook his body, and he didn't even bother to wipe away the tears tracking down his cheeks.

He hated himself for his hesitation, hated that he could have protected Curtis and hadn't. He was more akin to dead weight than anything else when Curtis had volunteered to follow Raz.

_Damn you!_

Laurent punched the grassy soil in front of him and let out a broken sob. Curtis was dead, and had been for three years, because of Laurent. If he'd been quicker - braver! - Curtis would be alive, and not buried in the middle of the Crystal Sea.

"It should have been me," Laurent growled as he stared at the ground, his vision blurred with tears. "You had Eileen… she needs you, Curtis. She needs you more than she needs me… I was a fool, and I've failed you."

Laurent could never forgive himself for letting Curtis go on the mission with Raz, and his mind and heart seemed to agree. He couldn't recall the last night that had passed without nightmares plaguing him, but Laurent figured he deserved them.

He should have been the one buried in snow and ice, but he wasn't, and he could never forgive himself for it. The nightmares were a well deserved punishment for the worthless friend he had turned out to be.


End file.
